Levi: The man who likes butts
by AgeyoQueensUKCan
Summary: Levi, as everyone knows is a Squad Captain for the Survey Corps. One thing most people did not know, was he may have a secret fetish for something.. No one would suspect.


**"We are having a party at the castle without you, Captain."** Mikasa so eagerly sends as text to the Squad Captain.

**"This is no time to party, Ackerman**." Levi responds, unwilling to admit he is mildly upset that he was not invited to the party.

**"Sure is for us."**

**"no."**

**"Well why not?"**

_She is playing with my emotions, she knows what we are up against and why we are heading out early in the morning, it is not the time for a party_. Levi thought to himself before sending the one text that may have put him into a bigger hole than he was already in. Literally.

**"we are FIGHT TITANS IN BIGASS TREES TOMORROW."**

Mikasa stifles a laugh, realizing Levi did not notice the spelling mistake in the recently sent text message.

**"Excuse me, old man?"**

Levi became slightly confused.

**'Old man…? That's Pixis. I believe you have the wrong number."**

**"No I am perfectly sure I have the right number."**

_How long will she keep this up… I am not an old man. My memory is perfect._

**"Ackerman, I am your Captain. I will send you to Reiner, on a date."** _Good the perfect threat._

Mikasa cringes at the mention of a date with Reiner, it's clear she does not enjoy his company all that much.

**"Oh god no. anything but that…"**

Feeling accomplished, Levi uses his authority.

**"Call me old man again, it will happen."**

**"… Alright, old man."**

Levi gasps. _HOW DARE SHE CALL ME OLD MAN._

**"Reiner date time for you."**

**"Hah. No."**

Mikasa, as much willpower as she has, will NEVER go on a date with Reiner without almost killing him in the commencing of the date.

**"Well I could send you on a date with Jaeger." **Levi smirks, already knowing the response Mikasa will give.

**"He's a sibling"**

**"He's your boyfriend."**

**"My brother."**

**"boyfriend."**

**"brother."**

**"Boyfriend."**

By this time Mikasa was getting riled up by the rumour of Eren Jaeger being her boyfriend. Not only was Captain Levi using the rumour, but the other trainees in the Survey Corps have it fused into their brains as well.

**"Are you deaf old man? I said he's my brother."**

_Again with the old man comment. I'm not even graying around the edges yet._

**"I will not argue with a incompetent child"**

Levi once again feels accomplished, when he really shouldn't..

**"an*"**

Mikasa now cackles out loud, knowing she has pissed her captain off.

**"Don't sass me Mikasa Ackerman."**

Levi was fuming.

**"Don't send me on dates, Levi _Heichou_."**

Mikasa is determined to win this.

**"Don't call me what I'm not, Ackerman."**

**"You're not my captain? Fine."**

Mikasa smirks into her phone.

Some of the others at the party have started lurking behind Mikasa, just to catch a small glimpse of what could possibly be one of the worst arguments Levi has ever been in. People read over her shoulder.

**"F-, well where are you, I'm sure if you were having a party, you wouldn't have stayed texting me this long, and you should be at camp."**

**"I'm helping trainees."**

This was of course a load of crock, Mikasa did not care, if it meant she'd win, she'd use it.

**"Get back to camp. Stat."**

Levi is still trying to use his authority, he should have learned from their first argument that authority does not phase Mikasa in the slightest.

**"How are you going to make me?"**

**"You are texting me, how are you helping?"**

_She lied to me. She lied to her CAPTAIN… I could call her out on it.._

**"I'm supervising. That's what you should be doing now to make sure Eren doesn't get himself hurt."**

Mikasa -in all honesty- genuinely means the Eren part.

Levi scoffs into his phone, **"If he's hurt its his fault. That bastard can't stand up without hurting himself.."**

Levi does have a point, Eren is quite the klutz when it comes to his maneuver gear.

**"If he's hurt by the time I get back I swear. You are never there to protect him when he needs it."**

**"I can't be everywhere at once."**

**"Still."**

Mikasa is now very disappointed in her captain, he was put in charge of Eren for a reason.

**"If you want him protected, you should be at camp. Not helping Arlert."**

Levi, still angry about the "Old man" comments, does think he needs a break from protecting the idiot for even just a couple of minutes.

**"I'm on my way. And he needs help with new recruits.."**

**"Armin can handle it by himself. He knows how to."**

**"He's coming back with me."**

_LIES! ALL OF THIS IS A LIE! CURSE ACKERMAN._ Levi seriously needs to calm down before he breaks the tree he is swinging precariously from.

**"He isn't- recruits come too."**

**"They are not coming back to the castle, old man."**

Levi cringes. _Not again._

**"I need to speak to some of them."**

The only reason Levi wants the recruits to come back is because they would be safer in the castle instead of the bigass trees.

**"To say what..?"**

**"You need not know. Ackerman."** _Jesus, she is full of questions.._

**"I think I do."**

Mikasa knows everything, literally, she even knows when one of the men in the other wing of the castle releases fumes.

**"You do not."**

_So persistent._

**"Oh I believe I do, being number one out of the trainees, I believe I should know."**

Mikasa must know everything, she just has to or it bugs her to no end.

**"You are not a squad leader or a captain. You do not need to know."**

**"I still think I have a right to know, especially since those recruits are partly under my care."**

_Under your care….? Excuse me..?_

**"You do not need to know."**

**"And why not?"**

**"No need for you to know."**

Levi feels as if he is winning this argument now, by not telling her something she so desperately wants to know.

The Survey corps behind Mikasa are now swarming her, reading what happens between the two with extreme focus. Connie has his head on Mikasa's shoulder, reading intently.

**"You want to find a date for Connie, don't you?"**

**"How'd you guess."**

Connie is now mildly insulted.

**"He's been complaining about creating armies against the titans. And not about recruiting."**

Connie screams, runs off, and is now sulking in a corner, not able to believe Mikasa would say something like that to Levi. LEVI for Christ sake. Armin is sent over to keep him company.

**"Connie complains about everything…"**

**"True."**

Poor Connie… He is now vowing to never leave the corner he calls "home."

**"Connie should date Armin."**

Levi truly believes that this should be a pairing, its meant to happen. _It must happen._

Armin pulls his surprised, yet mildly afraid face.

**"I'm not sure if Armin likes men. Besides Connie's talking about making armies."**

**"Are armies like.. Armin Babies?!"** Levi cackles.

Mikasa cannot believe the sheer immaturity coming from Old Man Levi.

**"Oh my god. You are illiterate, old man."**

_Why does she keep calling me old man._

**"You are a child Ackerman."**

**"At least I understand Slang."**

Mikasa needed a topic changer.

**"I understand slang too."**

_What does slang have to do with anything._

Levi stares confusingly into his phone. Reiner looks at Levi, mildly confused himself as to what is going on.

**"What slang do you understand..?"**

**"I understand lots of slang."**

**"Oh are you sure, old man?"**

Reiner peeks at Levi's phone. He cant help but laugh hysterically at the fact Levi was called old man.

**"Yes I am sure, Eren's girlfriend."**

_There that'll peeve her off so she stops texting me.._

**"No you're not. AND I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND."**

There's the reaction Levi wished to spark. The survey corps slowly back away from Mikasa, seeing she is getting irritated, they do not wish to get in her way if she takes off.

**"Yes I am, and yes you are. Jean, Reiner, and Connie all think you are his girlfriend."** Levi smirks.

Mikasa glares at the back on Connie's head. Connie can feel her eyes digging into his skull, he scurries further into the corner. He now is in a crunched up ball.

**"Then what is some slang? And Captain Hanji thinks you are dating Eren." **Mikasa counters with the Hanji excuse.

**"Muffin, and that isn't happening, that's wrong."**

Levi stares at Reiner, who is still killing himself laughing. _Stop laughing you asshat._

**"Awe muffin." **Mikasa stares defiantly at her phone.

**"Don't turn into Pixis."**

**"How…?" **Mikasa raises an eyebrow.

**"You, are butch."**

**"Excuse me..?"**

**"You heard me, Eren's girlfriend."** Levi grins. _Take that_.

**"I am not his girlfriend."**

**"Its clear you got the hots for him."**

**"I. Do. Not."**

Mikasa squeezes her phone, her anger is boiling, almost ready to burst.

**"You do too, oh hunny, its written all over your body language and defensive behaviour."**

**"What if I like someone else? Not that I'd admit that to you."**

**"Let me guess a few names, Armin, Reiner, Hanji, Connie, Potato Girl, Jean?**" _saves me the time of sending many texts_.

Mikasa face palms,** "No none of those."**

**"Then it's Eren."**

Levi releases himself from his tree swing and starts heading towards the castle.

**"Back to Eren?"**

**"Yes back to Eren."**

**"It's not Eren."**

Levi sighs, _why must she be so stubborn._

**"It's Connie's Ass isn't it."**

**"You can go kiss Connie's Ass.**" Mikasa scoffs.

**"I think I will, he has a nice ass."**

**"I NEVER thought I would hear our **_**captai****n**_** saying that."**

**"All of you have nice asses."**

**"Why are you looking at our asses you pervert?**" Mikasa is mildly shocked.

**"Maybe I like asses…?"**

_I do enjoy looking at buttocks…_

**"Levi: the man who liked ass. Has a nice ring to it."**

Mikasa grins. She has won the argument.

_I… I have nothing to say.._ Levi has become speechless.

**"Bye." **One word and Mikasa knew she had won. Levi still never found out who Mikasa liked.


End file.
